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Hearts vs Voice

Written @ 11:45 PM

I, I always had problems in expressing what I'm feeling or what I actually felt towards something. Sigh.. I just have got not idea on how to express it. Another major problem is that I always express it in another way and it's not like what I actually wanted to say. It turns out to be different and people tend to misunderstand me. It's so hard to make people understand me. I'm a person who cannot handle stress. I cannot control my emotions and I really hope the only close person besides my mom, my boyfriend could understand me. Well, my assumption is he doesn't really understand me. Yes, I admit he tried his best but when he reached to a certain point when he forgets everything but his friends, he stops. He thinks otherwise. He thought that I was the one who didn't try to understand him instead. I'm in dilemma, I hope he could understand me first. I'm the one who's having so much depression. I know, I've been so selfish all the while. I've got no one to rely on. I'm in a family who don't even care about me. All they care is.. who i am. I'm not of the same religion as them, and yes they treat me differently, they isolate me and not thinking about my wellbeing. When I'm trouble, they run away and never even think of lending a hand to me for me to get up. It's a heart breaking for me to live in such family. I've always wanted to run away, but I know I've got no where to run.. Friends, friends have always been said to be always by your side in thick or thin. But the truth is, unfortunately, no. Instead, what I've really learnt from them is to be selfish. Always think of yourself first, then the others. I'm so sad to live in such community and I've always been so jealous watching other people with their best friends doing things together not matter where they are. They don't care where their friends are from. And there, that's the passion of being friends together. That's my definition of 'friends', literally. So, that's why I hope my boyfriend could understand me first. I understand well how my situation is and I understand his too. Mine is so much critical cause I've got no one here, I don't mingle well with my cousins because they look at me differently, I.. just can't continue this anymore. I need help to get out from this family and this community who only care for themselves.