Okay, let's countdown. When it comes to countdown, everyone seems to think that countdown is meant for special eve. Well, it's not for Christmas Eve nor New Year, but for two reasons, namely;

i) Countdown for Ron's homecoming. (6th December 2011)
(1 day more from today)
Oh well, I really wonder how many of them who really knows about this to celebrate his homecoming.

ii) Countdown to meet my lovely boyfie in Kuala Lumpur (8th December 2011)
(3 days more from today)

Yeh, I'm shocked that my mommy actually allowed me to travel there to meet my boyfriend, ooooo looks like my mom has got a good impression towards him since the day they met in the airport. I'm very happy that I'm so near to meet him. I know he wouldn't know how happy am I now, because I have treated him so cold since the past few weeks. Of course, for a reason. He refused to spend time with me but with his friends instead. Many would say that friends always come first, then girlfriend/ boyfriend. AND I DISAGREE! Not to a certain extent or partially but 100% disagreement! It makes me feel so left alone. I've always been alone with my family. As I have said before, they don't look at me nor treat me as their own kind. My skin colour is different from them and my religion too! They do not respect me for who I am. I am born to be like this and it's not what I have asked for. It's fate. God's fate.. for me to be raised in their family. I'm so sad. If he understands, I would be so happy. But he doesn't, he's just always thinking of how should I treat him instead. I can say, this is so unfair! I want both of us to be treated fairly. No more, no less, but equal.
Despite all the sadness, I would actually like to thank God for giving me life. I'm sorry that sometimes I tend to tell myself that I hated this life. My life. I attempted to commit suicide at times cause I cannot handle all the forces they have thrown to me. All the depressions are just so hard for me to handle on my own. I just want someone to stand by me and support me by my side regardless of what others think of me...


Happy, yet depressed.